(To be read in a Morgan Freeman voice)
This summer season doesn't only bring back crocs, socks 'n' sandals, and extreme humidity. It brings back the two things that make this country great: the competitive spirit and the internet. The Google Doodle Edition of the 2012th Olympiad is not only a test of mind, but of body, spirit, soul, and fingers. Only two people in the entire world have enough stamina, vigor, strength, and hand-cramp-resistance to partake: Walker and Natalie.
Walker, an original Hollistonian but now a Watertownian, has been training for these incredible games for the past three days. Sacrificing his free time and his willingness to teach, Walker spends every spare moment ignoring campers to click arrow keys repeatedly in a rhythm in order to win the gold coins in vigorous tests of strength, such as slalom, basketball, and soccer.
Natalie, an original gangster of the white-Jewish-mafia hails from the simple town of Westwood. In her free time, in addition to instagramming and "hanging with friends", she puts her well-manicured nails to the test as she clicks the keys on the keyboard like her high heels at a Bar Mitzvah. Wearing her hands to the bone, she practices day-in and day-out to get a perfect score on taxing activities, such as hurdles, kayaking, and soccer.
As these two competitors face-off, their brains, their spirits, their digits, and their hand-toes* will be pushed to the limits of the earth.
On day one of this week-long challenge, the two faced off in hurdles. The whacks of the space-bar shattered the impenetrable silence of the Daily Double room. Walker won 99% of the games, while Natalie, the underdog, won a measly 1%.
Day two was basketball. Natalie beat Walker two out of seven times, as Walker cheered himself on for getting over 30 points in 24 seconds.
On day three, the two "kayaked-it-out" in slalom. As they crashed into the white-waves (aka stared blankly at the screen) the tension was high, but Walker pulled out yet another win, bragging about his 20 second score.
Day four was soccer. The two practiced before and shared tips, seeing as they both went to the same camp and felt the need to help one another out. When they began to play, Walker scored an "insanely" high score of 32, claiming that if Natalie (with a score of 18) could double her score, she'd be at his level. In fact, the entire time that you have been reading this, Walker has been practicing his soccer "skillz" and feels confident that he can pull another win, even making bets and empty promises of frappes at "Isabella's".
So far, Walker has claimed both the gold and the silver medals, meaning that Holliston's national anthem (which is "Jesse's Girl") will be played at the closing ceremonies. Kudos to Walker, for beating a camper nearly a decade younger, and about 5 times weaker than him (to be said in a bitter, mocking tone).
Brought to you by Natalie, winner of the bronze!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.